He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
