hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
do nipples grow back?
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