she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
