So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
