Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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