Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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