when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
