I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
