i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
