Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
