I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
