i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
