i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize