woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
