apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
