All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude. I can hear the air.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
