just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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