drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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