Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
