How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
