sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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