i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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