He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
