So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize