but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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