wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
