I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You need a sexual gate keeper
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
