I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
