I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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