I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I just sharted jello shots
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