Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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