it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
