Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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