Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
