sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
