Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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