I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
