walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
