Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
