I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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