): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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