I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
