I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He shit in the fireplace
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
