Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Mom said you looked used
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
