I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
