One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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