My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg đđ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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