people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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