Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
