if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
