Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
