Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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