I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
