I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
