I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
