just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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