what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
