either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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