So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
