what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize