dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
