the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
