You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
