Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
