dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
