The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
