Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
