this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
