you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
