Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
