I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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