I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
