Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
