You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
