i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
