Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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