I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
