ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
